Friday, October 16, 2009

Smaller Than a Mote in the Ocean


I am feeling very small today--small in the universe, small in the grand scheme of things. It is both good and bad to feel this way. The ego recedes, which is good. Sadness and regrets gather and swell, not-so-good. I am hopeless about something and that makes me feel small and helpless. Something I have no control over, and that is a good lesson, yes? Or not.

Someone I love is having their future crushed by stupid actions that happend 95 days ago. Yes, they are responsible for their own deeds, but it is hard for me to completely understand. What they did involved cruelty. Yet, my someone has been the object of cruelty. I thought I saved my someone numerous times. It seems to be true; we can not save anyone. Someone I love feels lost to me. I ask for help, but there is none. Someone I love can not be saved by me. I meditate on this. The word that keeps coming back is "small." When I open my eyes, I see how large the universe is, starting with the billowing yurt, up to the skies, beyond the sunshine and into the spheres where only stars and weird gasses and black holes exist. This, too, shall pass. Someday, my someone will know the love I sent out to the universe. It was a gift for someone I love.

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